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I just want to serve 5 terabytes.

Benjamin Staffin
Comedy
YouTube
1 HN user recommended this comedy video1 month2021–2026 score 1
Years with an HN recommendation, 2007–2026

Used as a shorthand joke for Google-scale bureaucracy and the difficulty of simple tasks at large companies.

A short satirical video, originally titled Broccoli Man, in which an engineer who only wants to serve 5 terabytes gets tangled in Google's internal resource and production processes. It is the source of the phrase about forgetting how to count that low.

“here's the video where it originated” (HN, 2021)

1 recommendations · 9 citations · 2 critical · 8 jokes · Comedy

20 Hacker News comments

From the HN archive; up to 20 kept per video, favoring different commenters. Recommendations first.

Citations, criticism and jokes

@benley Oct 2021 Cites it
on HN thread I don’t know how to count that low
Regarding the phrase "I don't know how to count that low", here's the video where it originated. Frankly I'm astonished this hasn't been shared before, and I hope I don't get in trouble for posting it (it's like 11 years old, surely nobody cares at this point, right?) [this video]
Original source of the phrase about counting that low
@sangnoir Dec 2021 Cites it
on HN thread AWS us-east-1 outage
> At a different (unnamed) FAANG I'm guessing Google, on the basis of the recently published (to the public) "I just want to serve 5TB"[1] video. If it isn't Google, then the broccoli man video is still a cogent reminder that unyielding multi-region rigor comes with costs. 1. [this video]
Reminder that multi-region rigor comes with costs
@hansvm Nov 2022 Cites it
on HN thread I/O is no longer the bottleneck
Read more
Yeah, when I was there I saw plenty of <1% optimizations saving REDACTED gobs of money, and people were rewarded for it. I don't think it's applicable to most teams though. Imagine a foo/bar/widget app that only serves 20B people (obvious exaggeration to illustrate the point) and is only necessary up to a few hundred times per day. You can handle that sort of traffic on a laptop on my home router and still have enough hootzpah left to stream netflix. I mean, you are Google, and you need to do something better than that [0], but the hardware for your project is going to be negligible compared to other concerns unless you're doing FHE or video transcoding or something extraordinarily expensive. Walk that backward to, how many teams have 20B users or are doing extraordinarily expensive things? I don't have any clue, but when you look at public examples of cheap things that never got much traction and probably had a suite of engineers [1], I'd imagine it's not everyone in any case. You're probably mostly looking at people with enough seniority to be able to choose to work on core code affecting most services. [0] [this video] [1] [link]
Google-scale expectations even for small services
@moandcompany Jan 2023 Cites it
on HN thread Internal document explains why Google has become slow and bureaucratic
Read more
I am a Xoogler. The source document/presentation ("Coordination Headwinds") and idea are many years old, and from what I recall were not aimed to be critical of the company and its organization, rather to give its employee readers a feeling of solace and understanding for why getting seemingly small things done can feel overly hard and slow… a less humorous, and less SWE-specific version of "Broccoliman" if you will. Refer to the red panda that merely wants to serve 5TB of data. - [this video] - [link] I’ll try to continue using the organism-metaphor in my commentary. While the “slime mold” story provides a convenient and charitable explanation of Google's bureaucracy and dysfunctions, another explanation is: - As an organism, Google's executive decision-making functions are severely impaired by lack of accurate information, dysfunction of its middle-management “organs” or tiers, and impedance mismatches arising from genetic encodings or mental models associated with the slime-mold idea. - Despite being on a mission to “organize the world's information and make it universally accessible and useful,” Google is far less successful at doing this with its own information. These characteristics are not unique to Google, but some of Google’s cultural history makes this a particularly challenging problem. It may be convenient to think of Google as a slime-mold organism, and in an individual contributor’s day-to-day engineering activities it may very well be, but as a corporation it is no
Humorous take on why simple things are hard at Google
@choppaface Mar 2024 Cites it
on HN thread Why Google failed to make GPT-3
There are only so many TPUs available and they're kept at 100% utilization. Google has had complex "marketplaces" around company resources for years: [this video] It's a cultural value, like playing board games.
Google's internal resource marketplaces
@hintymad Jul 2024 Cites it
on HN thread Fear of over-engineering has killed engineering altogether
Read more
Maybe fear killed engineering. Even in a decently managed company, I can see so many engineering effort gets stalled, compromised, bastardized, or killed. Like your manager asks you to get sign-offs from 10 different orgs. Like you want to do a POC, yet somehow an infra team demanded that you integrate with their system even though your targeted users didn't give a shit. Like you just want to submit a workflow to Temporal Cloud yet a product manager demands that you create an abstraction because he is afraid of X and Y. Like you just want to serve 5TB of data, and you got sucked into this: [this video] . I'm not sure how companies battle this kind of fear. It looks Amazon's Working Backwards, Netflix's Freedom and Responsibility, Uber's Let Builders Build more or less can counter such fear, but ultimately it's about finding the right people who have good sense of product and who strive to make progress.
Illustrates simple tasks getting stalled by organizational overhead
@alexpotato Mar 2025 Cites it
on HN thread The Mediocrity of Modern Google
Read more
A couple of things have struck me about Google as an outsider: - Learning that they had 100K+ employees - Seeing resumes from people who had spent 5+ years at Google and had a project list with what I would expect from <1 year at a hedge fund or <3 years at a bank - Learning about the "I want to just serve 5 Terabytes" video/story [0] - Hiring people away from Google who were, for example, network engineers who turned out to be great SREs with good programming skills - They just kill off greats apps that people enjoy with little to no notice (granted, keeping stuff around forever ala AWS is its own issue) In other words, they became a big corporate behemoth and lost a lot of their "spark". Which is sad b/c I remember the early days of using Google search, Google maps etc where it felt like we were all living in the future. Sure, they are breaking ground in the AI space but 100% agree that it feels like they are on the downward trajectory. (although other firms have been here and come back so let's see...) 0 - [this video]
Example of Google's big-company dysfunction
@anenefan May 2025 Cites it
on HN thread Ask HN: Cloud Costs What am I missing?
It's way over my head but aware it already was quite intricate and frustrating [1] [1a] at times. Finding a good stable online file storage area is getting harder, especially the last few years where people have been caught out when fires or other catastrophes [2] occur. [1] [this video] [video - 2010] [1a] [link] *A more universal link to a mp4 (15 megs) or mkv (5 megs) download as per the original youtube link since imposed restrictions youtube likes to impose on some people from time to time. [2] [link]
2010 video on frustrating file storage
@pas Jul 2024 Pushes back
on HN thread Ask HN: Am I crazy or is Android development awful?
Read more
Ridiculously low-quality documentation, a build and development system that puts the local Rube Goldberg competition winner to shame, constant churn, total deafness or willful ignoring of wishes of dev ... and so on have nothing to do with what happened 20 years ago. It's the classic "I would like to serve 5 terabytes"[0] Google problem. (Their engineering culture reeks of this. See the tools they have released. Angular, Bazel, Go, Kubernetes, etc. The last one escaped the usual decline of incompetence because the community showed up. Go has GOPATH. Even in a language designed for "simplicity" initially getting it set up had this roadblock.) And no doubt the roots of the problem are manifold, but it seems all stemming from ongoing management incompetence (creation of shareholder value[1] maaaybe excluded, though I am very curious what kind of inane metrics the Android SDK team is whipped to chase). [0] [this video] [1] [link]
@PlanksVariable Nov 2025 Pushes back
on HN thread Broccoli Man, Remastered
Have you ever watched the original? It most certainly did not involve real people talking ( [this video] ). In fact, the overtly robotic voices added to the humor of the original, IMO. It was lost in this translation.
@teddyh Jan 2022 Makes a joke
on HN thread The Curse of NixOS
> The worst is, of course, GCL/borgcfg, the (turing complete) configuration language for Google's internal job scheduling software. “Noone has borgmon readability.” — Broccoli Man ( [this video] )
@jedmeyers Jun 2023 Makes a joke
on HN thread Google cuts office space in Bay Area by more than a million square feet
You might have had 20 years of experience building products that don't need to scale for millions of concurrent users, if you consider all "purely internal architectural changes" to be lower priority than the customer facing work just because it's purely internal. And the Google guy might have tried to spend time scaling a product that will have five concurrent users, because "this is Google" ( [this video] ). It's all about perspective, and CEO thought the other perspective was more valuable.
@anymouse123456 Jan 2026 Makes a joke
on HN thread The Jeff Dean Facts
My other favorite internal internal meme from that era was the Broccoli Man video, "I just want to serve 5 Terabytes." [this video]

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